Love on Hold Read online

  “I’m sorry?”

  “Don’t be.” He answered my non-apology with a shrug of one shoulder and turned his back to me.

  “Um … what is going on? Where is Joel?”

  “He stormed out …” his dad said.

  “Has he been gone long?”

  “No.” He didn’t give me a breather before turning back to me and saying, “I have a proposition for you. Convince my son to come back to New York after graduation, and I’ll ensure you have a very good job at my company for the rest of your life.”

  I looked around in complete and utter incredulity. In the last hour, I’d had two grown men, one of whom I’d barely had a relationship with and the other who was a total stranger, trying to intervene on their son’s behalf in the most ridiculous ways. Un-freaking-real.

  “What your son decides to do after college is none of my business.”

  “I don’t think you understand the positive impact I can have on your financial life.”

  Apparently, this was happening.

  “Have you even once read any of Joel’s pieces?” I asked.

  He narrowed his eyes at my tone, but I didn’t care. “Have you ever considered he isn’t doing this to spite you, but because he is very, very good at it?”

  “He is doing this to spite me.” His expression told me he really believed that.

  “Maybe a part of him is,” I conceded. “But it isn’t his only motivation. Your son is a very good writer. You should be proud of him.”

  The door opened behind me, and Levi walked in, sweaty and in boxing gear.

  He startled a bit when he saw us and then scanned the room for his missing roommate.

  “He isn’t here,” I said. “Tell him I will wait for him at my apartment.”

  Levi opened his mouth to protest, but I gestured for him to stop.

  I strode toward the door, but at the last minute, I stopped and turned to face Joel’s father again. “I know this will not mean much to you, but I grew up without a father. You’ve let Joel grow up without one too. Only, you didn’t have to. Maybe it’s time for you to fix it.”

  Thirty-Two

  “Love Is Worth Fighting For.”

  LEONIE

  My aunt picked up the Skype call, and her smile faltered as soon as she saw my expression.

  “My dear girl, what happened?”

  “I am just so tired of this mess of a situation with Daniel. Get this, the whole Hastings family showed up at the salon this morning. And his dad was a jerk, saying we owed them. And—” I stopped and tried to breathe, assessing my aunt’s visage. Her mouth tightened but she remained silent.

  “And Joel’s dad was at Joel’s place when I got there. He tried to bribe me into helping him convince Joel to move back to New York. He offered me a job to do it, for crying out loud. I mean, what is it about me that screams poor girl in need of financial support?” I squeezed my fists and tried to regulate my erratic breathing.

  “It’s not something about you, Leonie. Most wealthy men are so used to people doing what they say that they can’t conceive of someone having a will of their own.”

  She searched my eyes and went on.

  “But, in your whole life, you’ve never spoken of the money subject so many times as you have since you’ve started this new relationship. Why do you think that is?”

  “I don’t know. I guess that, sometime along the way, I considered being with him more seriously than I’d ever done with anyone else.” I shrugged.

  She leaned closer to the screen.

  “That is a good thing. Leonie. Baby. You’ve always followed a very certain path. You’ve always known what you wanted from life. What do you want?”

  “I want Joel. But I also want him not to distract me from my dream.”

  “And has he been distracting you?”

  I watched the Polaroid pictures above my bed and counted them a few times, exhausting all my thoughts and feelings on the matter. Truth was, he had been nothing but supportive and encouraging. I hadn’t been distracted from my goals at all. And he’d started volunteering at the children’s hospital just to spend extra time around me. No, it definitely wasn’t that Joel was distracting me from my career plan in any way. I shook my head and hung my forehead in defeat.

  “No, he’s been a sweetheart about it.”

  After a silence that felt a bit too long, she asked, “Did you consider that you haven’t had long relationships because of what happened to your parents?”

  I shrugged.

  “You know we have zero control over what happens to our loved ones, right?”

  I nodded.

  “Would you be happy going through life too afraid of losing love that you don’t ever get to experience it?”

  I raised my eyes to meet hers and saw her smiling.

  “Love is worth fighting for. Worth sticking your nose out there and taking chances.”

  “Why?”

  “Because … the absence of it is just emptiness. It eats you up and dries you up before your time. Trust me. I know.”

  Behind her, I heard the doorbell ring. My aunt took her phone with her toward the door, where I heard Deanna’s voice. Their driver must have sped like crazy on the way back to Healdsburg.

  “Is that Leonie on the line? I’m kind of glad to sort of catch both of you at the same time. I want to apologize for my son again,” she said.

  “Please, don’t—” I started, but she didn’t let me finish.

  “I don’t think anyone, including him, realized how much he wanted you to be in his life. Not until he realized he lost you.”

  “That’s the thing, I was in his life. I was his friend. Or, I wanted to be his friend …”

  “Humbug!” Deanna said. “Men and women aren’t friends. It’s just the way nature let it be.”

  I disagreed, but I didn’t really have any evidence to present, so I bit my lip.

  “I just … I think of you two as part of my family, and despite everything, I hope that you will let me be a part of your lives.”

  “What about Daniel’s opinion on this?” I asked her.

  “I think my son will eventually come to his senses and will apologize. I wanted him to do that on his own terms, but after what transpired, I’m hurrying the process.”

  I shot her a questioning look.

  “I’m cutting him and his dad off from their funds. Daniel needs to learn to stand on his own two feet, and he will in his own time,” Deanna said with a hopeful tone.

  “I hope so too,” I acquiesced. I listened to them chat for a bit while checking my phone. Joel should have been done with his meeting by now. I sent him a quick text.

  JOEL

  After my shitty morning, I’d had a great meeting with my source. I felt like I was unravelling the threads of a very good lead. After that, I hadn’t returned to the apartment for hours, waiting for my dad to get out of there. I didn’t want to hear his newest excuse. I didn’t have a lot of experience riding, but I got the appeal. Freedom. I let my thoughts get stolen by the beauty of the surroundings and rode until I reached Coyote Point Park. I was surveying the steep decline to the beach when I looked at the texts from Leonie and Levi.

  Sweetness: Where are you?

  Levi: Your woman was here and she met your dad. I think they exchanged words. She left kind of upset.

  A few minutes later, I was back on the road, contemplating the weirdness of Californian winter. I had laughed when Leonie complained it was too cold for this time of the year, but fifty degrees in December felt like a heat wave to me. Though I could have done without the heavy, gray clouds that seemed to mirror my mood.

  I saw rather than felt the first rain drops when the rain started. I had twenty miles left until I was back, and pulling over to wait it out wasn’t an option, so I kept going. There was a curve right in front and when I shifted my weight into the turn, I felt the bike leaning too much, too fast. I hit both brakes. They locked. I skidded and started spinning with the bike. Close to the asph
alt. Hitting the asphalt. I felt the weight of the bike on my leg. And then the pain came.

  Thirty-Three

  “I Wouldn’t Be Anywhere Else.”

  LEONIE

  Levi was outside the hospital room, his white complexion even paler. Maybe it was the neon lights, maybe it was the dread that I saw in his eyes, but either way, I knew it wasn’t good.

  “Where is he?”

  “He’s getting an MRI. He should be back soon, though.”

  “What happened?”

  I let go of the tears I’d held on to during the car ride.

  “I should have known better than to throw him the keys. I saw he was angry,” he said, chewing his own lip. “I got a phone call saying my bike was involved in an accident ten minutes after I’d texted him that you were upset. Am I a moron or what?”

  “Levi! What happened?” I yelled.

  “He was on my bike, blowing off some steam and avoiding his old man, and it started raining. He wouldn’t know enough to pull over and wait it out. It would have only been ten minutes, and everything would have been fine.”

  He said that and his black eyes were smoldering over me, filled with regret. It added to the guilt already creeping up my spine.

  The moment was broken when the elevator doors swung open and there he was, my Joel on a hospital bed, a doctor by his side.

  As soon as he saw me, his eyes didn’t stray anywhere else. The doctor was talking to him, but he wasn’t responding as he was wheeled back into his room.

  After an hour and a dozen assurances that he was fine, Levi left and Joel and I were alone.

  “Come here,” he whispered after a small eternity.

  “Joel, I was so scared …”

  His eyes got large and I knew, I knew he guessed I was thinking of my parents’ unnatural demise.

  I was near his bed and couldn’t stop myself from touching his face. My fingers trembled, and I saw it all through a blur of tears.

  “I don’t want to lose you.” My voice broke when he closed his eyes.

  “I’m here, and not going anywhere, Sweetness,” his calm baritone said. “They say I was lucky. I only have a concussion and minor bruising, but I have to stay overnight for observation. Stay with me?”

  “Of course!” I called, louder than necessary. “You know, I wanted to not be in love with you for the longest time. But I can’t not be in love with you. The world makes no sense without you, and maybe that opens me up to a world of hurt, but living in your absence hurts me infinitely more,” I babbled, and his eyes crinkled at the corners.

  “You don’t even say I love you like a regular person, do you?” His eyes crinkled at the corners.

  “Are you making fun of my declaration?” I asked him between sobs.

  He scooted and pulled me down onto the bed with him. I fitted my body against his side, laying my head on his shoulder and circling his waist with my hand.

  “I love you too, Leonie,” he murmured before reaching for the remote.

  I don’t know what I would have done if I’d lost him.

  I listened, tucked in closer, and just let him hold me. Together, we watched cartoons as I stroked his chest with my fingers and he squeezed my hip from time to time as if to ensure I was still there. He seemed as lulled by the comfortable silence as I was, and I was fine with that.

  It was around midnight that I exited Joel’s hospital room in search of some coffee and almost tripped on the long legs of the man who’d fallen asleep on the chair by the door. His father.

  My first instinct was to keep walking. Avoid him. Instead, I sat next to him, jostling the chairs just enough to wake him.

  “Hello, Mr. Thomas,” I said quietly. “How long have you been here?”

  “Levi called when I was still at the airport. I didn’t want to disturb you earlier. I just looked through the window and saw him alive and breathing.”

  I nodded and waited for more. I couldn’t catch any alcohol in his breath, and I looked into his eyes. They were heavy with sleep but clear.

  “For the longest time, I took my son’s existence for granted. I blamed him for his mom leaving. He was just a kid …” The regret in his voice was almost palpable.

  “Do you wanna go grab a cup of coffee?” I asked, hoping this was a sign for better things in this family’s future.

  He watched me with the same intensity his son had clearly inherited.

  “Yes, let’s go.”

  We walked to the cafeteria in an almost easy silence, which was freaking me out a bit. Something had changed, and since I was pretty sure it wasn’t anything I had said … yelled at him, it must have been his son’s accident.

  I understood that. After all, it had opened my eyes as well.

  But for a man like Richard Thomas not to walk the halls as if he owned everything and everyone around him like he had in our previous meeting at Joel’s apartment was unthinkable.

  I touched his arm to get his attention when we were in a line waiting.

  “Have you ever tried telling him that?”

  “No.” He turned away.

  I blinked, and I wanted to demand to know why but knew he wouldn’t tell me.

  “I owe both you and him an apology,” he went on. “What I asked you to do was uncalled for.”

  I nodded, ordered two coffees, and paid for both, which didn’t make him very happy but I didn’t care.

  “Why are you here, Mr. Thomas? I mean, in California.” We were halfway back to Joel’s room when I found the guts to ask him.

  “I wanted to convince Joel to come back home.”

  “I’ve only known him for a few months, sir, but even I know he doesn’t like being forced into things. I know he wants to prove himself and to find his own career path. I know it hurt him when you repeatedly tried to take that away from him.”

  “I’ve never met anyone as stubborn as he. I want what’s best for him.”

  “Have you ever considered that what’s best for him is to follow his own career path? Your son is not just anyone, Mr. Thomas. He is an adult. Consider listening to him.”

  He shook his head, but it was more in deep thought than in denial.

  “It isn’t all about him taking his spot at the firm.”

  “Then tell me what it is about. Why do you want him home so badly that you’d risk him cutting all ties with you by doing what you’re doing?” I knew it was a low blow, a passive-aggressive comment about him not being a good father, but if anger got him to tell me the truth, then I would use it like a well-honed sword.

  I looked into his eyes and saw something break behind them.

  “I was diagnosed with a cirrhotic liver. I found out at the end of summer, and then Joel hit me with the news of his already-arranged transfer. I have to leave my legacy to someone. That’s why I keep calling him home.”

  I hesitated, but only for a beat. Joel’s dad had a vulnerable moment, and there were cracks in his armor. I needed to use them to split his guard wide open because his son wasn’t doing it, and the stalemate was hurting them both.

  “Maybe you could try talking to him about it instead of demanding he do what you want. I would bet that he would be willing to listen. Joel doesn’t need to come home to a legacy he hasn’t ever wanted. He should want to go home to his father. Have you stopped drinking?”

  He shook his head.

  “I tried rehab years ago. It didn’t help.”

  “Perhaps the stakes at the time were wrong. Do you really want your son home? Because home is not a place; home is a person. You’re old enough to know that. Do you want to be Joel’s home?”

  My heart raced. I felt like I saw the light at the end of the tunnel—so close, yet so far. Making Joel and his dad see the light of their potential relationship and friendship was a huge gain, that made my skin burn with anticipation.

  “Would you … talk to him before I go in?”

  I beamed a smile to Richard Thomas. All hope wasn’t lost. With his funds, he could easily afford a new chance
at life. Perhaps, with some work, he could also try for a new chance at being a father. I hoped so with every fiber of my being, for Joel’s sake.

  I left Mr. Thomas in the hallway and walked into Joel’s room. He stirred, opening his eyes and giving me his brilliant smile as I took a seat next to him.

  “Hey, beautiful.”

  “How are you feeling?”

  “I’m okay.” He paused, noted my serious expression, and pushed himself into a sitting position. “What’s going on?”

  “Your father has something to say to you, and I would like to ask you to give him five minutes.”

  “No,” Joel rumbled.

  “Babe …”

  “Do you know how many times he’s promised to go to rehab and never did? Do you know how many times he checked himself out and into a hotel and drank until he blacked out? I spent my teen years waiting for him to look at me, to hear me, to be a dad. So much wasted time. And for what? For what, Leonie?”

  He was almost yelling, and I was afraid his agitated state would hurt him even more than he already was.

  “Honey,” I said, squeezing his hand.

  “I’m tired, Leonie.”

  “I know, and you’ll get some rest. But all he wants to do is apologize.”

  “And for me to give him yet another chance, right?” Joel scoffed.

  “Yes. All I’m asking is for you to let him talk to you.”

  I knew he wanted to say no, to shut me down as quickly as he shut his father down, so I grabbed his hand, whispering, “Please? For me? Hear him out, and I’ll never ask you to do it ever again. And not giving him another chance will hurt you more than it’s hurting him. Do it for your peace of mind? And if he screws this up again, this time, you’ll have me.”

  I saw him choke back his emotions and then draw in a very slow, very deep breath.

  “Will you stay with me while I sleep, afterward?”

  “I wouldn’t be anywhere else.”

  Thirty-Four

  “Only One Leonie.”

  LEONIE